>Conor sets the Irish Daily Fail Right on Civil Partnerships

>Today Ireland finally allowed same-sex civil partnerships. One thing that the Daily Fail, even its Irish edition doesn’t fail to do is live up to the fail element that us of a liberal nature constantly find it to do. This morning it was the case of Richard Waghorne who seems to neglect the need for it simply because he doesn’t want to be civilly partnered or married as a gay man. I’m allergic to cats so don’t want to have one of them if I can help it, hardly an argument to prevent others who love cats to keep one for live now is it?

Fortunately my friend Conor has put a rather excellent counterpoint blog post together looking from the point of view of the children of same sex couples, a group that is often overlooked. It is an excellent written post taking on some of the stupidity of the arguments that Waghorne tried to bring to the debate. I urge to go take a read of it yourself.

Of course I’m still hoping to maybe some day get married in a ceremony that allows my God to be part of proceedings rather than an afterthought or a prequel which is what I’d still have to do even if civil partnerships could be held in a religious building. I’d still need to have two distinct parts of a ceremony, not intertwined as my heterosexual friends are able to do. I’d still be treated as a second class person of faith, simply because I’d want to get married to someone of the same sex.

 

The Presbyterian Church in Ireland’s Take on Homosexuality and Me

Yesterday evening while I was at the Peace Centres Ireland and Changing Attitude Ireland event in Belfast it was mentioned that in 2007 that my church, the Presbyterian Church in Ireland (PCI), had come up with Pastoral Guidelines. I thought I’d better read them, especially as I also felt compelled to write a letter to my minister following last Sunday’s sermon which was on 1 Thessalonians 4.

The first thing that strikes me is the first paragraph of the preamble:

While a person’s sexuality is a very important part of their lives, it does not define who they are. Biblically we as a church maintain that a person is defined in the first instance in terms of their relationship to God – creation in relation to Creator. To refer to a person as a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual is therefore to narrow their identity to their sexuality alone. For this reason it seems better to refer to ‘people’ who have ‘same sex attraction’.

Now there are a lot of things that define my identity. I don’t call find a way to avoid the fact that I am male, even though that doesn’t express my identity alone. Nor do I shy away from being a Liberal Democrat, an ex-sportsman, a geek etc. There are many things that make up my identity, being homosexual is just one of them.

My homosexuality isn’t also merely a matter of attraction to someone of the same sex. A dictionary definition of attraction is:

1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.

3.

a. A feature or characteristic that attracts.

b. A person, place, thing, or event that is intended to attract

4.

a. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.

b. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.

Now, of course there are things about the person/s that I fall in love with that attract me to them, but like any relationship hetero or homosexual the more you get to know someone you also find the dark recesses. Those things are not attractive, sometimes the things you end up doing for someone you love are not attractive. It doesn’t mean that you do not love them but is it then that you realise that it beyond mere attraction, when you still feel the same about them despite the ugly, unattractive parts of what being part of a couple entails.

There is hope in the opening paragraph setting out the need for Pastoral Care with this paragraph:

It is clear that people of all ages who have same sex attractions are very reluctant to tell others because of fear, prejudice etc. Keeping their feelings hidden out of fear has a significant impact on mental health.

Sadly it is very true, that the element of keeping sexuality hidden can have an impact on sexual health. We are taught as Christians not to bear false witness, yet part of our witness as gay Christians is our sexuality. As I mentioned last night the fact that when people realise it affects people they know

There are some positive affirming statements (emphasis mine):

When we condemn homosexual practice in isolation or single it out as somehow worse than other sexual practices outside of heterosexual marriage then we demonstrate homophobic attitudes.

and

There needs to be the recognition within the church that the desires for love (in all its aspects), intimacy, companionship etc. that move heterosexual couples towards marriage are the same desires that motivate those with same sex attractions.

Sadly there is the footnote:

As stated, the position of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland is that sexual practice is only for heterosexual marriage. As a church therefore our aim ought to be to help ALL unmarried people to cope with sexual pressures. We realise this raises issues regarding celibacy. While this is an area of debate in relation to the ‘hope of marriage’, essentially ongoing sexual pressures still need to be controlled.

The debate for the ‘hope of marriage’ is one that I think needs to be discussed, especially in light of the comments above about desires for love in all aspects. As I’ve mentioned before 1 Corinthians 7: 7-9 says:

“I (Paul) wish that everyone were like me, but each person has his own gift from God. One has one gift, another has another gift. Now for those who are not married and for the widows I say this: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires.” New Century Version

So you have a church that is telling me it acknowledges my love has desires in all its aspects yet denies a physically expression of that love outside marriage. What level of that physical expression is a line to drawn? Wherever it is I have already crossed it, because I do burn with sexual desires, often stemming out of deep love, not merely attraction, for a man. The bible through Paul tells me it is better to marry than to burn with such desires, yet I don’t have that option from my church, however much I want to.

What am I to do?

I’m writing two letters one to my own minister in light of last Sunday evening’s sermon, the other to Board of Social Witness to ask about their seven recommendations, especially some of the latter ones.

 

>The Presbyterian Church in Ireland’s Take on Homosexuality and Me

>
Yesterday evening while I was at the Peace Centres Ireland and Changing Attitude Ireland event in Belfast it was mentioned that in 2007 that my church, the Presbyterian Church in Ireland (PCI), had come up with Pastoral Guidelines. I thought I’d better read them, especially as I also felt compelled to write a letter to my minister following last Sunday’s sermon which was on 1 Thessalonians 4.

The first thing that strikes me is the first paragraph of the preamble:

While a person’s sexuality is a very important part of their lives, it does not define who they are. Biblically we as a church maintain that a person is defined in the first instance in terms of their relationship to God – creation in relation to Creator. To refer to a person as a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual is therefore to narrow their identity to their sexuality alone. For this reason it seems better to refer to ‘people’ who have ‘same sex attraction’.

Now there are a lot of things that define my identity. I don’t call find a way to avoid the fact that I am male, even though that doesn’t express my identity alone. Nor do I shy away from being a Liberal Democrat, an ex-sportsman, a geek etc. There are many things that make up my identity, being homosexual is just one of them.

My homosexuality isn’t also merely a matter of attraction to someone of the same sex. A dictionary definition of attraction is:

1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.

3.

a. A feature or characteristic that attracts.

b. A person, place, thing, or event that is intended to attract

4.

a. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.

b. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.

Now, of course there are things about the person/s that I fall in love with that attract me to them, but like any relationship hetero or homosexual the more you get to know someone you also find the dark recesses. Those things are not attractive, sometimes the things you end up doing for someone you love are not attractive. It doesn’t mean that you do not love them but is it then that you realise that it beyond mere attraction, when you still feel the same about them despite the ugly, unattractive parts of what being part of a couple entails.

There is hope in the opening paragraph setting out the need for Pastoral Care with this paragraph:

It is clear that people of all ages who have same sex attractions are very reluctant to tell others because of fear, prejudice etc. Keeping their feelings hidden out of fear has a significant impact on mental health.

Sadly it is very true, that the element of keeping sexuality hidden can have an impact on sexual health. We are taught as Christians not to bear false witness, yet part of our witness as gay Christians is our sexuality. As I mentioned last night the fact that when people realise it affects people they know

There are some positive affirming statements (emphasis mine):

When we condemn homosexual practice in isolation or single it out as somehow worse than other sexual practices outside of heterosexual marriage then we demonstrate homophobic attitudes.

and

There needs to be the recognition within the church that the desires for love (in all its aspects), intimacy, companionship etc. that move heterosexual couples towards marriage are the same desires that motivate those with same sex attractions.

Sadly there is the footnote:

As stated, the position of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland is that sexual practice is only for heterosexual marriage. As a church therefore our aim ought to be to help ALL unmarried people to cope with sexual pressures. We realise this raises issues regarding celibacy. While this is an area of debate in relation to the ‘hope of marriage’, essentially ongoing sexual pressures still need to be controlled.

The debate for the ‘hope of marriage’ is one that I think needs to be discussed, especially in light of the comments above about desires for love in all aspects. As I’ve mentioned before 1 Corinthians 7: 7-9 says:

“I (Paul) wish that everyone were like me, but each person has his own gift from God. One has one gift, another has another gift. Now for those who are not married and for the widows I say this: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires.” New Century Version

So you have a church that is telling me it acknowledges my love has desires in all its aspects yet denies a physically expression of that love outside marriage. What level of that physical expression is a line to drawn? Wherever it is I have already crossed it, because I do burn with sexual desires, often stemming out of deep love, not merely attraction, for a man. The bible through Paul tells me it is better to marry than to burn with such desires, yet I don’t have that option from my church, however much I want to.

What am I to do?

I’m writing two letters one to my own minister in light of last Sunday evening’s sermon, the other to Board of Social Witness to ask about their seven recommendations, especially some of the latter ones.

 

Homosexuality and Faith

Cross posted on Liberal Democrats in Northern Ireland

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Tonight I was in a backed room in Grosvenor House, Belfast for a meeting organised by Irish Peace Centres in association with Changing Attitude Ireland and the Methodist Church in Ireland. Of course I realised I had no paper to make notes, but did have my iPhone. The key speaker was David Walton, a lay Methodist preacher from Eccles, who was a past VP of the British Methodist Conference. The subject was sexuality and faith, here are some rough notes of the areas covered..

After starting with some personal anecdotes about his own sexuality David went on to say we have to acknowledge there are a number of issues that the Churches still face when it comes to homosexuality

1. There is a sense of disgust about the act and the subject itself
2. There is the argument about promiscuity (but looking around us this is not confined to the LGBT community)
3. There is the matter of cohabitation, sex outwith marriage, divorce etc all leading to the break down of marriage as the church sees it.

Sexuality has become a test of orthodoxy in the eyes of many churches, both for themselves and for others faith. However, what is slowly breaking that down is when there is someone, a grandchild, child, sibling etc that you know who is openly gay.

In 1993 the Methodist Church started what they called their pilgrimage to understanding human sexuality. In the end they came to accept relationships and civil partnerships, but stop short of allowing blessings in church (and therefore by default also equal marriage).

There is discussion going on in most churches about diversity. Although some are coming to conclusions without meeting LGBT people, or acknowledging that there are some within their congregations.

One thing that all sides of those with faith can agree on is the need of strong and stable relationships, based on honesty, fidelity, self control etc. Especially in the light of the world we are living in.

When it comes down to the acts of sex, which we too often focus on, we are ignoring the core of what loving relationships actually are.

There was then a time for question and discussion within the people present. One highlight was from Gerry Lynch who said, when the church is seen as being less accepting that our secular society we [the church] have a real issue.

This is only part of the initiative that Irish Peace Centres is running. They are seeking to have conversations that difficult conversations across social divides but had in a way solid debate and not name calling from opposing camps.

There will be two series one for LGBT people who love their faith

October 15th & 29th, November 12th and 26th, December 10th

The other for parents and friends of LGBT people

November 8th, December 6th, January 10th, February 7th, March 7th

Both series attendance at all 5 meetings is requested and if you are interested email padraig@cooperationireland.org who will provide details of the venue in Belfast where the discussions will take place.

 

>Homosexuality and Faith

>

Cross posted on Liberal Democrats in Northern Ireland

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Tonight I was in a backed room in Grosvenor House, Belfast for a meeting organised by Irish Peace Centres in association with Changing Attitude Ireland and the Methodist Church in Ireland. Of course I realised I had no paper to make notes, but did have my iPhone. The key speaker was David Walton, a lay Methodist preacher from Eccles, who was a past VP of the British Methodist Conference. The subject was sexuality and faith, here are some rough notes of the areas covered..

After starting with some personal anecdotes about his own sexuality David went on to say we have to acknowledge there are a number of issues that the Churches still face when it comes to homosexuality

1. There is a sense of disgust about the act and the subject itself
2. There is the argument about promiscuity (but looking around us this is not confined to the LGBT community)
3. There is the matter of cohabitation, sex outwith marriage, divorce etc all leading to the break down of marriage as the church sees it.

Sexuality has become a test of orthodoxy in the eyes of many churches, both for themselves and for others faith. However, what is slowly breaking that down is when there is someone, a grandchild, child, sibling etc that you know who is openly gay.

In 1993 the Methodist Church started what they called their pilgrimage to understanding human sexuality. In the end they came to accept relationships and civil partnerships, but stop short of allowing blessings in church (and therefore by default also equal marriage).

There is discussion going on in most churches about diversity. Although some are coming to conclusions without meeting LGBT people, or acknowledging that there are some within their congregations.

One thing that all sides of those with faith can agree on is the need of strong and stable relationships, based on honesty, fidelity, self control etc. Especially in the light of the world we are living in.

When it comes down to the acts of sex, which we too often focus on, we are ignoring the core of what loving relationships actually are.

There was then a time for question and discussion within the people present. One highlight was from Gerry Lynch who said, when the church is seen as being less accepting that our secular society we [the church] have a real issue.

This is only part of the initiative that Irish Peace Centres is running. They are seeking to have conversations that difficult conversations across social divides but had in a way solid debate and not name calling from opposing camps.

There will be two series one for LGBT people who love their faith

October 15th & 29th, November 12th and 26th, December 10th

The other for parents and friends of LGBT people

November 8th, December 6th, January 10th, February 7th, March 7th

Both series attendance at all 5 meetings is requested and if you are interested email padraig@cooperationireland.org who will provide details of the venue in Belfast where the discussions will take place.

 

For the Bible Tells Me So – A Film Review

The other night I was watching the documentary feature For the Bible Tells Me So (2007). It is a very moving and powerful film following the lives and consequences of a number of American Christian families dealing with a relative who realises that they are gay.

It also looks at the actual content and context of homosexuality within the Bible, i.e. those verses used by individuals and groups to end their love or seek to cure what they have failed to understand or investigate. The families include that of Gene Robinson the openly gay Episcopal Bishop in New Hampshire and Dick Gephardt former Presidential candidate and his lesbian daughter Chrissy. But it was the tale of two less prominent families that really struck me.

First up there was Jake Reitan a young man from a Unitarian background. He came out as a teen to his big sister a full year before he could tell his parents. Their initial reaction was one of trying to hide Jake’s sexuality from all around them and to catacomb themselves and him from the ‘shame’ of having a gay son. But Jake wanted to be open and honest about who he was and his family are an ideal example of a family coming to terms with their own inbuilt and learnt prejudices, seeking the truth themselves and coming to understand, love and stand beside and behind their son. They are active advocates as a family for acceptance from families of their LGBT sons, daughters, brothers, sisters etc.

The other is the sad story of Mary Lou Wallner, who couldn’t accept the ‘gay thing’ about her daughter and they became estranged. As with too many gay children brought up in Christian households that led to estrangement and after an exchange of heart achingly terse letters Mary Lou’s daughter took her own life. Too late to do anything to her daughter Mary Lou did investigate herself what the Bible actually said, the context it was said in and what it means to modern day life.

Fortunately I had neither of those experiences to those extremes when I came out to my parents. However, it didn’t mean that at times I wasn’t curling up into a ball, needing to reach out to something/one for comfort or bring the odd tear to me eyes. It was also a truncated version of the 10 years of searching scripture which I myself did. If only I’d taken the answers my 16-year-old self came up with it would have saved so much time, but may not have been so well grounded.

There is a lot of mental anguish because of the way many in our culture still see homosexuality. But as this film showed it is often out of repeated ignorance or selective verse selection that these put-downs that these judgements come.

 

>For the Bible Tells Me So – A Film Review

>The other night I was watching the documentary feature For the Bible Tells Me So (2007). It is a very moving and powerful film following the lives and consequences of a number of American Christian families dealing with a relative who realises that they are gay.

It also looks at the actual content and context of homosexuality within the Bible, i.e. those verses used by individuals and groups to end their love or seek to cure what they have failed to understand or investigate. The families include that of Gene Robinson the openly gay Episcopal Bishop in New Hampshire and Dick Gephardt former Presidential candidate and his lesbian daughter Chrissy. But it was the tale of two less prominent families that really struck me.

First up there was Jake Reitan a young man from a Unitarian background. He came out as a teen to his big sister a full year before he could tell his parents. Their initial reaction was one of trying to hide Jake’s sexuality from all around them and to catacomb themselves and him from the ‘shame’ of having a gay son. But Jake wanted to be open and honest about who he was and his family are an ideal example of a family coming to terms with their own inbuilt and learnt prejudices, seeking the truth themselves and coming to understand, love and stand beside and behind their son. They are active advocates as a family for acceptance from families of their LGBT sons, daughters, brothers, sisters etc.

The other is the sad story of Mary Lou Wallner, who couldn’t accept the ‘gay thing’ about her daughter and they became estranged. As with too many gay children brought up in Christian households that led to estrangement and after an exchange of heart achingly terse letters Mary Lou’s daughter took her own life. Too late to do anything to her daughter Mary Lou did investigate herself what the Bible actually said, the context it was said in and what it means to modern day life.

Fortunately I had neither of those experiences to those extremes when I came out to my parents. However, it didn’t mean that at times I wasn’t curling up into a ball, needing to reach out to something/one for comfort or bring the odd tear to me eyes. It was also a truncated version of the 10 years of searching scripture which I myself did. If only I’d taken the answers my 16-year-old self came up with it would have saved so much time, but may not have been so well grounded.

There is a lot of mental anguish because of the way many in our culture still see homosexuality. But as this film showed it is often out of repeated ignorance or selective verse selection that these put-downs that these judgements come.

 

Ben Summerskill’s Webb Ellis Moment

Image used with permission from
gyronny.com

Last week Ben Summerskill warned the LGB community (Stonewall doesn’t do T) to beware of politicians playing political football with the issue of equal marriage.

Over the last week the tweets and comments have been coming thicker and faster from all political parties and those with none. There is uproar from a broad section of the LGBT community that hasn’t been since 1969 and the original Stonewall riots. I think we have noticed that Ben Summerskill is like a poor confused pupil standing on the playing fields of Rugby unsure of what to make of William Webb Ellis‘s innovation. For those of you who don’t know Webb Ellis was the pupil credited with picking up a football on the playing fields of Rugby and creating a whole new game which bears the school’s name.

To me that is the ideal analogy of what has happened to Stonewall and Ben Summerskill over the last few months/years. Other groups and even the mainstream political parties have pick up the ball of equality and are running with it in hand. They are holding unto equality tightly, not controlling its passage with taps from their feet. For them equality is not just equalising LGB rights it is about inclusiveness of SLGBTQ* (Staight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) rights, something that while Stonewall say they stand for equality they seem unable to support.

The right of heterosexuals to have equal access to Civil Partnerships was part of the Lib Dem Policy passed last week. It was also part of the original CP legislation going through Parliament, which Stonewall say they were championing, yet now they (or is it just Ben) say they are not standing for heterosexual equality.

The policy also included Humanist celebrants in the right to marry or civil partner couples in England and Wales. Something that they had only been able to do in Scotland before. An equality of beliefs which Stonewall probably don’t want to recognise or support.

The fact is that the equality that is left to fight for has to be fair to heterosexual, homosexuals, bisexuals and transgender people. That is the whole new ball game. It is the ironing out of the little things that were once thought separate is okay as long as we step along the right path. It’s time to smooth those out, being equal need to be just that, equal opportunities for all.

If Summerskill can’t see that maybe it is time for Team Stonewall to select a new captain. Or if Stonewall really cannot see them, maybe they should get out of the game. 86% of the recent PinkNews poll were in favour of equal marriage, 61% of the general public in a recent poll said the same.

It truly is time to work out how to do, not work out the issues for why ‘society’ can’t.

* May even have to add AP to that for Asexual or Polyamorous.

 

>Ben Summerskill’s Webb Ellis Moment

>

Image used with permission from
gyronny.com

Last week Ben Summerskill warned the LGB community (Stonewall doesn’t do T) to beware of politicians playing political football with the issue of equal marriage.

Over the last week the tweets and comments have been coming thicker and faster from all political parties and those with none. There is uproar from a broad section of the LGBT community that hasn’t been since 1969 and the original Stonewall riots. I think we have noticed that Ben Summerskill is like a poor confused pupil standing on the playing fields of Rugby unsure of what to make of William Webb Ellis‘s innovation. For those of you who don’t know Webb Ellis was the pupil credited with picking up a football on the playing fields of Rugby and creating a whole new game which bears the school’s name.

To me that is the ideal analogy of what has happened to Stonewall and Ben Summerskill over the last few months/years. Other groups and even the mainstream political parties have picked up the ball of equality and are running with it in hand. They are holding unto equality tightly, not controlling its passage with taps from their feet. For them equality is not just equalising LGB rights it is about inclusiveness of SLGBTQ* (Staight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) rights, something that while Stonewall say they stand for equality they seem unable to support.

The right of heterosexuals to have equal access to Civil Partnerships was part of the Lib Dem Policy passed last week. It was also part of the original CP legislation going through Parliament, which Stonewall say they were championing, yet now they (or is it just Ben) say they are not standing for heterosexual equality.

The policy also included Humanist celebrants in the right to marry or civil partner couples in England and Wales. Something that they had only been able to do in Scotland before. An equality of beliefs which Stonewall probably don’t want to recognise or support.

The fact is that the equality that is left to fight for has to be fair to heterosexual, homosexuals, bisexuals and transgender people. That is the whole new ball game. It is the ironing out of the little things that were once thought separate is okay as long as we step along the right path. It’s time to smooth those out, being equal need to be just that, equal opportunities for all.

If Summerskill can’t see that maybe it is time for Team Stonewall to select a new captain. Or if Stonewall really cannot see them, maybe they should get out of the game. 86% of the recent PinkNews poll were in favour of equal marriage, 61% of the general public in a recent poll said the same.

It truly is time to work out how to do, not work out the issues for why ‘society’ can’t.

* May even have to add AP to that for Asexual or Polyamorous.

 

Forty Eight Hours of Worship!

Over the weekend there was a marquee erected next to Bangor Abbey and inside for 48 hours there was continuous praise going on. It was an event organised by Celts on Fire an organisation founded by dear friends of our family Tom and Iris Ross.

You may think that 48 hours is a long time for a cycle of people to keep up praise to God yet in the 6th and 7th centuries it is believed that for 150 years the practise of Laus Perennis (continual prayer) was kept up at the Monastery in Bangor, close to the present day Abbey.

It was considered to have been interrupted by the raids of the Vikings. So it was fitting that on Friday night at the start of the 48 hours of worship that Scandinavian Christians led the first hour.

Some of you who followed my Twitter over the weekend will have been aware that I spent the first hour I had back in Bangor* (in the early hours of Sunday morning) at the marquee. I also sandwiched in another couple of hours in the afternoon between being part of the Worship Group at Trinity Presbyterian Church for both Sunday services (my first time playing bass guitar, or any instrument, in public for a number of years**).

Some people ask it is possible to be a Liberal politician and a Christian at the same time? It was actually the subject of yesterday’s evening’s sermon on 1 Thessalonians 4, which at one point made me a little tense. But I say it is, contrary to the sermon last night, though I’ve come on a long road to get to where I am and I’m sure it’s not travelled yet.

But seeing people reaching out and back to the early traditions of our Christianity is invigorating to see (and if you see my current reading material courtesy of Mícheál also intriguing). There is a lesson never lose sight of the past while striving towards a better future, that is true of both fields.

* Having spent most of the week up in Belfast with a post-hospital Mícheál.
** So what better way to do that than with only a brief run through once as the only rehearsal time.