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With the growth of the tea party movement I got to thinking what would have happened if in Boston harbour the tea hand’t been poured over the side of the M.V. William into the water as a protest to the colonial power.

So with apologies to my American friends who don’t have a sence of humour and none whatsoever to those that get Python or Douglas Adams, here is a reworking of the Star Spangled Banner to reflect a different historical outcome.

Oh, say! let’s make tea by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we drink after the William‘s last sailing;
Whose broad leaves and sweet taste, form a marvelous sight,
O’er the remnants of sleep we’re so gallantly beating?

And the cooker’s red glare, the steam bursting in air,
Gave proof through the morn that our water was boiled:
Oh, say! does that milk jug get used before the tea pot*
O’er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen?
On the bench, dimly seen through the mists of the sleep,
Where the tea’s many leaves in dried teabags reposes,
What is that which the pot, o’er the strainer keep,
As it fitfully flows, half for now, half for later?
Now it catches the steam of the morning’s first cup,
In full glory released now shines as we sup:
‘Tis the good morning cuppa! Oh, long may it serve
O’er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of tea and the coffee’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their coke has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution!

Infusion made by the hireling and slave
For the master at night or mistress’s parlour:
And the cross stitch or knitting in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen.

Oh, thus be it ever, when teapots shall stand
Into our loved home and the tealeaf’s infusion!
Sweet with sugar and milk, or without neither’s bland
Praise the Power that is made and pour out for us a nation!

Then infuse we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In Tea is our trust”:
And the perforated bag in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the tea and the home of the brave.

*Have to use the multiple beats in sta-ar spa- angle-ed banner here.
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